it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
