And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
