When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
