8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
either way he was missing a nipple.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
