I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
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Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
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I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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