either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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