Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I party with great urgency now.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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