imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
