I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
