Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
