You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
