I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
