If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
