Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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