I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
they're like a gay fantastic four
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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