it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
