yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
