I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
