I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We're too hungover to prance.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
