I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
