I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
