that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
