Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
