Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
