I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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