I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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