honey bunches of taint.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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