So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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