If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
