i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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