Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
