No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
