Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
