I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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