tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
