Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
