How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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