Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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