I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
