nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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