every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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