I think my fart just growled at me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
