i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
