Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
