I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
