I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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