He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
