Taylor Swift is so right about you.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
