I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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