somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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