Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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