I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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