im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
