Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
