end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
