I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
