What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
