Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
