dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
