She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
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I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
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Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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