I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
She told me I should be a condom model.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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