Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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