Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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