Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
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I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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