Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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