You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
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At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
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You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!