Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Let's paint friendship bongs
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
