It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did