Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My vagina is very pro this idea