Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.