Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
sarcasm needs its own font
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.