I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Found the puke drawer
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
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