But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
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you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
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Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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