i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
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I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
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He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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