I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
