Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
