Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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