She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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