That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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