At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Randomize
