Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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