There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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