I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
