; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
