Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
