how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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