I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
