just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
