how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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