so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
