ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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