I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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