is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
